The times are changing, and my dear, and so are we. I didn't realize until recently how much people change. People change their mind all the time and their opinions, but we evolve as humans. We lose tastes for certain things, lose our creativity in some areas, and sometimes we can even lose sight of ourselves.
I'm changing, you're changing, we all do change continuously until we start pushing daisies. I have been molding myself into the person I am supposed to be, but recently I have found myself finding purpose through others. I have found purpose through my friends and loved ones, instead of finding my purpose through myself. My mother has always told me to be independent and learn to rely on yourself, and I agree... but man, it's hard. What if I don't want to be alone? What if I don't want to figure this all out on my own?
Life is hard, and sometimes you have to do things that may hurt for a while.
I tend to rely so heavily on others to make myself happy, and I shouldn't live that way. Neither should any of you. I'm still learning how this whole life thing works, and I've recently found that even though finding happiness through others seems so wonderful, truly, I need to find happiness in myself. I have been so reliant on having someone always there to make me feel better, and to always make me feel better about myself. I didn't realize how bad that was for me until now.
I have had issues with my own image since I can remember, and I'm sure we all know very well that we have our own flaws. I just seemed to find people that would nurture my confidence to the point where I couldn't nurture it myself. I relied on people's opinions of me to make me feel good about myself; to make me feel beautiful. I love being with my friends, family, and loved ones so much, but I recently have taken control of myself and have taken some time to work on myself. It has been HARD for me to be alone because I'm not used to it. I've shed so many tears lately because it hurts to be alone, but I prayed for so long, and this is what I felt God has led me to do. He has all control. He is a good, good father. But dang it, the Lord sometimes does some questionable things, doesn't he? It took me so long to actually follow through with what he told me, and it hurts, but I'm starting to see why he wanted me to be alone. I shouldn't find my identity in others, and now I see that I was doing just that.
To everyone reading this:
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
You don't need someone to tell you that all of the time, even though it's wonderful to hear. If you're like me and have had trouble finding yourself beautiful, go out and spend time with yourself, even though it may be hard. Find the things that you find interesting and fly with them. Find the things that make you smile and hold them dear. Don't be afraid to be alone, because you are the most important thing. Even if you don't think you can do it on your own, trust me, you can surprise yourself.
Go and shine,