How I Learned To Love Myself
A few days ago I posted on my YouTube channel a Q&A, and I got a lot of positive comments. A good amount of these responses were about how people see me always as a bright and sunny figure with a smile and a positive outlook on life. I try to be like that as much as I can, but sometime's it's hard to be bright and sunny. The anonymous response Sarahah app gave me a good insight of what people really thought of me, and I had 7 people ask me tips on how to love themselves. That made me sad because I have been their shoes before and not having confidence and low self esteem is crushing.
I wanted to share my story.
I was the "weird" kid.
I was the theater dweeb that played piano and video games. I was a year younger than my class so while every girl was getting their periods and stepping into womanhood, I was buying size 8.5 shoes for my little 4'11" body. I was disproportionate, and I got made fun of because my nose was too big for my face as well as for my ears and my poor fashion. I was told my hair was "too poofy" and that my shoes were "the ugliest pair of shoes" someone has ever seen. I was made fun of for having pale skin and red hair and even some people very close to me were saying how I should go under the knife and needle when I come of age.
It took me 17 years to truly think I was pretty.
My best friend in high school would always put me down to lift herself up. If i came up with an idea, somehow it would turn out to be hers all along, and if I liked something... it would of course look better on her. I was there mainly to help boost her self esteem while she crushed mine, and I let her. Her opinions waved my thoughts for a long time.
"You can't wear red lipstick, it looks terrible with your hair."
"Don't ever wear a bikini, you're too white and skinny. "
"Don't even try to talk to him, you won't ever have a chance with him."
"I'm thinking of getting a nose ring" *I say I want one too* " Well my nose is smaller than yours, it'll look better on me."
"Allison, it's really sad that you don't have any boobs."
And I believed everything that was said to me from everyone.
I've been put down for my taste in music, my fashion, my looks, my hobbies, my religion, and even the way I talk, and even if someone told me they liked something about me or told me they thought I was pretty, I didn't believe them. I hated the way my body looked. I hated the way my voice sounded. I hated the person I was.
I've been a musician since age three, and have constantly been "different" because of that...which is really dumb. Whenever I'd play piano or guitar for an event, or audition for a solo in the school choir, people would sneer their noses up at me and I felt like I shouldn't try because it made people dislike me...for some reason.
My senior year of high school is when I started to change my life around. After getting accepted and attending a prestigious summer camp (Governor's School For The Arts) the summer of my junior year, I met people that changed my life. These people had no idea about what has happened in my past, these people just knew me as the person that they had just met, and I could be the person that I always wanted to be; I felt and was accepted. These people were so inspiring to me and they were all so talented and weren't afraid to embrace what talent was gifted to them. These people lifted me up and all had most of the same dreams and ambitions as I did, and I realized that I could truly be myself around them and not be afraid of judgement. After coming home from the camp and returning to high school, I lived my life not caring what people thought of me. If I liked to wear heels and vintage clothes to school, HECK I was going to. If I liked listening to compose music on the weekends and listen to classical music in my car instead of country, HECK I was going to. I didn't care what people thought, and I just embraced the things I liked and I was happy. What I learned out of this situation is to ALWAYS surround yourself with people that lift you up and love you for who you are. Don't waste your time on people who bring you down, it's not worth it... they're not worth it.
Life is too short not to spend your precious time doing the things you love.
This was the year I also fully understood that my body beautiful, because it was mine. Each person is so unique with every beautiful quality and beautiful flaw that makes them special. I am not perfect, but that's what makes us all human. Why go your whole life disliking the way you look when you only have one life and one body to live in? Embrace your beautiful self. Love your imperfections. Adore your amazing qualities. This is you, and there is no reason not to love yourself. We all have flaws, but that makes us become stronger and more courageous.
And do you want to know something?
You look just like God... isn't that crazy? YOU DO!
Genesis 1:27: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
You should be proud of your body, and the person you are. You are built amazingly with every freckle, every scar, every wonderful imperfection that makes you, you!
You are oh, so beautiful... and don't ever think anything different.